Welp...herpes.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
