Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
