when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
