you didnt know i had herpes?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
