im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
