I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
