How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My vagina is officially offended.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
