I need help removing her.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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