News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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