I just saw a hot homeless man
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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