so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
