He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
