Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think your dad took our porno
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
