I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
