I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
