my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize