Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
