what day is it and did you see me today?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
