Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
