Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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