Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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