I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
