I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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