don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
