Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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