unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
