oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
