worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
