I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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