this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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