Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize