My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
