i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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