I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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