dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
