my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he high fived his dick after we had sex
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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