I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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