I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
