Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
