Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
