I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
