OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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