you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
