btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
