i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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