Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
