I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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