my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
