YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
