so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You are the jesus of drinking
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
