What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i've created a new STD.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
