Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
