Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
