I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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