And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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