Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize