I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Randomize
