Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
