Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
