SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
