im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
