i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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