Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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