I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
