my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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