i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
