Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
a search helicopter?!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
