The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
