dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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