i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
