In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
