I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
