For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
