Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
