I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
